So what is missing from our understanding of our men as fathers and husbands so far? We've addressed their virility, their role as provider and their role as guardian, but is this all? I don't think so. Magically, we have missed their mind and spirit. We've missed the other half of their primary God connection-that of the Wisdom God.
Two deities from the Indo-European tradition that exemplify this energy are Odin and Mannanan. Both of these deities have two outstanding traits that come to mind-their wisdom and knowledge of things, their insight and ability to never be tricked; and their strength of will, the potency of their spirits in magic. Can you imagine anyone overcoming Odin? Or fooling Mannanan? Of course not. Are these vital Gods and energies important to our husbands? Very much so. Especially now.
There may have been a time when the virile God energy was enough for a man to connect with to really do his part as a father, but certainly not anymore. We have a great need for our husbands to connect fully with that potent wisdom energy.
Wisdom and knowledge. This is truly a battle ground. What do you know and how do you know it? Furthermore, who's teaching your children and what are they being taught? Even if you are very in touch with this and feel you yourself have this area covered, what impact does it have on your children if your husband doesn't see it as important? You and your husband need to provide as united a front as you can; you're up against some very strong forces.
I encourage you and your husband to look closely with magical eyes at what is being taught your children and what's being foisted on you. Look deeply and think clearly. You're up against massive vested interests, who would prefer that you not figure this out and make your own decisions.
Some things to consider: History is not necessarily the same as what is taught in public schools. Did you know it wasn't until almost the Renaissance that the last Pagan European country submitted to Christianity? And not until after the Rennaissance that the last Pagan city was finally razed? Health is not what's necessarily promulgated either. We need to respect the food choices and practices of our ancestors more and be more wary of a vast complex interested in our wallets.
We need the wisdom of our men. Our Fathers need to be more clever than Madison Ave, and stronger than an out-of-control bureaucracy. No, Superman won't do. We need our Gods such as Odin, Mannanan, Mercury, and we need our husbands to bring that energy down into our lives on a very practical and earthy level.
Which brings us to -Do you let him? Do you honor and respect your husband's judgement? Do you acknowledge that he is an intelligent adult capable of making wise decisions for his family? I have heard such incredibly nasty comments and jokes aimed at men from pagan women. Women with husbands, with sons. What are they thinking? Keep in mind, if you feel your husband is just another one of the kids-then he's gotten pushed into a primary connection with one of the youthful trickster deities. They are important, powerful deities, but they are not perhaps the best energy connection for a husband and father to have-certainly not without a lot of balancing connections from other male deities.
Well, that was the wisdom and knowledge part of the equation; now the really controversial part, willpower. Here's where men have really been taking hits societally. How dare men will anything, except that women have more power? Well, that turns out to not really work very well in real life, and certainly isn't how to make a real man. Yes, it's true that it's best to have wisdom to balance out that will power, but who wants the wisdom if there's effectively nothing they can do with it? So many men are given so little power in even the most trivial parts of their lives-especially if they marry. It's a powerful reason to not marry nowadays, actually, to retain some feeling of power and control of your life. A man contemplating marriage should feel that it will make him more, not less.
I am suggesting that a marriage is going to work best for all concerned, husband, wife and children, if the husband is the final word, the tie breaker-- in effect, the leader. For pities sake, this does not mean he's an evil brute, nor will it make him one. It does not mean that he will not listen to his wife and honor her wisdom and judgement and insight. But in the end someone has to have the final say, and that would be-him.
Remember, think magically. How do you evoke something or someone? By ridiculing it, denying it? If you call your husband a big kid (or worse things) and treat him like he's helpless to run things without your oversight, are you evoking wisdom and potency in him? If he's very strong-willed, he may retaliate by connecting with a trickster deity. This happens at a very deep level; everyone needs some sense of dignity, and Loki and Raven are powerful Gods, mighty forces. But not probably the energy you were hoping for in your husband. Anansi is not considered a comfortable deity to be around even for the other deities, even if he did save the world. (Of course, yes, the world could use some shaking up and saving. But you should go into such a relationship with eyes open.)
You as your husband's mate have a profound magical effect upon him. Be thoughtful of what you say to him and about him. It may in fact be easier (if things are badly out of kilter) to start by encouraging/evoking the virile energy first and then moving on to the wisdom, although ideally both would happen at once. What God does your husband feel most comfortable with? Start seeing him as being in touch with that energy. Ask that Deity yourself to help you see it in your husband. I do not think that the Gods are simply energies or forces or archtypes. I feel they are Persons and that they present themselves to us as they do partly to offer up patterns of being for us to emulate. As we establish closer relationships with our gods they will help us to become more the persons we are trying to be.
Remember ladies, we will not be able to create a viable culture without our husbands. Certainly not one that will grow and pass onto our sons. Life would be a very lonely struggle for us and our daughters indeed without our men by our sides.
Happy Father's Day!
©2007 Oak Hedge